1. There will be hair. So much hair.
It will find its way into your drains, food, and especially (and inexplicably) your buttcrack.
2. You’ll find bras in all sorts of crazy places.
I gave up my pinky toe and firstborn child to pay for this thing. There is no way I’m ruining it by tossing it in the dryer.
3. Hair accessories will appear out of nowhere.
They really deserve their own episode of “The Twilight Zone.”
4. Their showers will be impossibly long.
In all fairness, yours would be, too, if you had to shampoo and condition your hair, then shave half of your body.
5. But really, you should expect that based on how many hair and skincare products adorn the bathroom.
It’s not our fault they don’t make counters big enough to properly organize all of it.
6. Half of her clothes will be put away normally, while the other half will be on the floor.
It was perfectly clean until I changed my mind about what I wanted to wear.
7. Once a month, your trashcan will fill up much more quickly than usual…
If you want to help her out, you can just buy everything in this aisle and get it over with.
8. …And you would be well-advised to be extra nice to her for about a week.
Any offers to gently scratch her back will earn you some serious bonus points.
9. If she wears nail polish, at least a little bit will end up on something other than her nails.
Just keep all your valuables away from her if you get a whiff of the stuff.
10. You’ll go through toilet paper much, much quicker.
We need that stuff for more purposes than you could ever imagine.
11. There will always be something that makes the house smell fantastic.
Is it a candle? Perfume? Lotion? Body wash? It’s like the world’s most fragrant guessing game.
12. If she wears makeup, you’re eventually going to find a powdery disaster in your sink.
You might think it’s fairy dust at first, but it’s way more sad and expensive than that.
13. You’ll trip over a pair of shoes at some point.
Sorry, but you’re nuts if you think I’m not kicking these heels off the second I walk in the door.
14. Her ladylike tendencies will disappear the moment she comes home.
“Did that awful fart come from…? No, it couldn’t possibly…”
Yes, yes it did.
Yes, yes it did.
15. She will eat more than you could possibly fathom.
May Zeus have mercy on your freshly opened box of Pop Tarts.
16. Of the multiple bottles of shampoo and conditioner in her shower, at least 30% of them will be empty.
To make things easier, the empty ones will probably be designated to a particular corner of the shower known as the graveyard.
17. At some point, she’ll try to prove how domestic she is (and fail miserably).
Domestic as a rabid grizzly bear.
18. You’ll see her in states she doesn’t even allow the rest of the world to see her in.
I reserve this hungover, no-makeup, unbrushed-teeth look just for you, roomie.
19. You’ll inevitably catch her doing something completely gross.
As long as you don’t check her browser history, you probably haven’t seen the worst of her.
20. If you want to avoid number 19 for as long as possible, for the love of all that is holy, KNOCK FIRST.
We do it far more often than you think.
21. Whether it turns out to be for better or for worse, it’s bound to be a living situation you won’t soon forget.